When Childbirth is Traumatic
When a child is born healthy but the birth experience was traumatic, it can be isolating and confusing. You might have had people say to you, “But the important thing is that the baby is healthy! Let’s focus on that!” While people generally mean well, these kinds of comments shut down further conversation about the birth experience and send the message that it’s not okay to feel anything other than happy about the birth.
It often feels like an invisible problem, because from the outside, everything looks fine. In reality, moms who experience traumatic birth are at greater risk of postpartum depression, disruption with mother-child bonding, and even breastfeeding complications. This seems unfair, like adding insult to injury. Fortunately there’s a lot of hope for those who have had a traumatic birth, and one step on that path to healing is processing the birth experience with a trusted guide who can hold space for you to be able to express the whole range of feelings you might have experienced from anger, to fear, to sadness.
There are other things you can do to help heal your trauma. Hopefully you’re fortunate enough to have a compassionate partner with whom you can talk about your experience, but if that’s not your experience, perhaps there’s someone in your friend or work network who you know who had a difficult birth. Even if they’re not a close friend, do they feel safe enough for you to reach out to talk about your experience? These little connections help lessen the isolation of this experience, and help you feel less alone.
Journaling is also a helpful tool. Give yourself five or ten minutes (or longer!) to write whatever you want about your experience. No one will read this but you, so be brutally honest.
Depending on your physical recovery and ability level, moving your body is also a great way to help process the difficult feelings and get some endorphins going to help your brain feel better. I’m not talking about a vigorous, heart-pumping workout session (although if you’re up for that and that sounds great to you, go for it!). Even a slow stroll around the neighborhood with the baby strapped to your chest will go a long way for your mental health. Yoga also has a lot of proven mental health benefits for people who’ve experienced all kinds of trauma. Again, this doesn’t need to be a hard-core, power yoga workout. You can go to YouTube.com and search for “gentle yoga for trauma,” and a million videos will pop up, from 10 minutes to 60 minutes.
Finally, be gentle with yourself. People may expect you to “get over it,” and you yourself may feel impatient or even angry that you’re experiencing this trauma, but it’s okay to let yourself grieve your birth experience and give yourself permission to rest, process, and feel whatever you need to feel with kindness and self-compassion.
If you’ve experienced a traumatic birth and would like to have some more support, I’d love to be a part of that with you. Please feel free to reach out via email or through the contact form here.